There is a sickness we all breathe in, and when we do it seems we can’t get the poison out. It sits wedged between our heart and our head and saturates our inner most being. This sickness emerges from the despair that comes with our calloused hearts that have been beaten and bruised from the rejection of everything we are. Every single person is screaming for approval and will rip everything to shreds until they uncover it. Everyone is searching for someone or something to embrace them the way they live, the way they love, the way they laugh, and the way they cry.
So I have found myself in a situation where I am actually growing up, uncovering my scars for once, and wanting to run away as fast and as far as my legs will travel. Struggling for love and acceptance in my life has been my quest for as long as I can remember breathing, and repeatedly there ends up being pain. I have often opened myself up so others could catch a glimpse beyond the crafty front I fashion, and I have watched traumatized while people do anything to escape my presence, some barely even keep the laughter contained as they pass. This goes beyond the simple boy meets girl tragedies; it transcends into every single relationship one has with people. It’s a life built around the hostile warring for acceptance and the helplessness you find no matter how deep you dig, and then you begin to wonder what the issue is. Blissfully, the answer adamantly cries out that I’m the issue, I’m the one who is jacked, and I’m the one who needs to change so they might care about me. It’s a vicious cycle we stumble into and it’s a thief to joy, it’s a thief to peace, it’s a thief to love. I have found that cynicism lies close at hand, which is immensely hazardous!
And cynicism seems to be nothing more than a façade to disguise the scars of the romantic's beaten and bruised heart. An optimist becomes a pessimist, a lover becomes a hater, a means of peace does nothing but breath chaos, and this has matured into a nauseating creature and accepted as status quo. We have become oppressed by disbelief, oppressed by the beauty we are thirsting so deeply for, and we can’t find hope so we just numb the sting. Our façade is up and no one can see us, and if no one can see us they can’t mar our hearts like our past says they will. What’s so strange with this façade is we can’t see suitably either; our vision is damaged and we can’t aptly assess the situation at hand. We look forward and our deep wounds warp everything exceptionally, and we see a clouded collection of circumstances. Which is problematic since we are looking with the hopes that this wont be like the last one, I can trust this person, but we can’t see past an inch in front of our faces. So the cycle continues, and we morph more and more into this calloused creature that instead of fixing the problem numbs it and moves on hopelessly.
So if this is true and people are a collection of every experience they have ever been through, every hurt, every laugh, every interaction, every artistic expression, and whatever else someone may experience, then it seems like our scars are what define us, they are what dictate our decisions, and are in the end restraining us from true life. Where did hope, peace, and love go? The truth is there in fact is hope in the world, and it is found in the life and death of Christ who came and took the pain, the scars, and the evil so that He could one day put an end to it all without ending us! For those who have faith in Christ were united with Him in His death, in His burial, in His resurrection, and now as He stands at the right hand of God holy and blameless! Doesn’t perfect love cast out all fear? Why do our scars instead of our healings define us? He is putting us back together, healing us, loving us, and we want to dwell on our pain? What a vicious cycle! Let's get out of the cycle and have hope, because this is truth, not just another medication to numb the pain. It’s the answer to the problem, the remedy to our issues, it's pure restoration!
So I have come to learn that medicine is the art of restoring the sickness that plagues an individual, and the broken can't help the broken; they can only further destroy or numb the pain. We are called to put all the pain down, to show our scars, our weaknesses, and the incompleteness that plagues us. We sing a song at my church and the course goes, “You bring restoration,” it’s simple, but we seem to be missing the message. So let us quit numbing our hearts by fighting for other people’s acceptance, let us heal them by accepting His fight for our hearts.
